I want to talk about something that has been on my mind lately, and as usual, it’s been on my mind because it’s happening to me.
*Disclaimer – this post is NOT for attention, but rather to highlight that it’s OK to feel a full range of emotions and energy and it’s all OK.
And that thing is feeling like an imposter in your own life or own body. It’s a horrible feeling. Sometimes, it’s physical, and sometimes, it’s mental.
This feeling can occur when we feel inadequate or feel like we “should” be a certain way.
- Maybe you feel the pressure of living up to your job’s expectations.
- Or maybe your public image shows that you are a great success, but inside you feel like you’re failing. Every. Single. Day. Like you can never get ahead.
- Or maybe it’s physical. Maybe you look healthy on the outside, but on the inside, you’re crumbling. On the inside you feel tired and worn out, never getting enough rest and feeling like you’re constantly trying to catch up. Maybe everyone thinks that you are strong and beautiful and fit and healthy but there are many times where you don’t feel like this. And it makes you feel like a fake, an imposter.
Maybe it has to do with not feeling like you’re a good enough parent. Or that you’re expected to look happy all the time on social media but since you, like all of us, are human, that isn’t always the case.
This feeling of “imposter syndrome” can be soul-crushing – and I believe that at some time or another, we have all felt this. We have all felt the crushing feeling of not being good enough. Of feeling like we have to fake it.
Sometimes it has us crawling in our own skins. Sometimes it can be physical and mental. Maybe we don’t physically feel well and it starts to affect our minds. When this happens, it can feel like you’re not really “in your body” anymore, like you are in the shell of your body, but your heart, soul, and mind are somewhere else.
This can all be extremely disorientating and make it difficult to concentrate and function throughout the day.
This subject lays heavy on my heart lately, as I have been struggling with physical fatigue that can’t always be explained.
It sometimes makes me feel weak and it also makes me feel fake, it makes me feel like my body isn’t mine anymore.
But then I feel guilty and fake because most of the time, I am healthy. I eat healthy, I take care of my body, and many days I feel very, very vital.
But some days I’m tired, exhausted, and my brain is cloudy. At these moments I feel weak and like I’m living a lie. I’m cautious to let people know that I don’t feel well. But sometimes, it’s hard to hide, and sometimes, it’s necessary to be real and open.
So I want to give you permission today to just feel it. Feel your insecurities, feel your pain, and know that it’s OK. Know that you’re human and that we all have pain. We all feel a little tired or sad or sick or incompetenet sometimes. But it doesn’t mean that that is YOU and it doesn’t mean that you have to hide it.